...but i won't until i'll meet the maker, the legend, the icon, the definition of punk himself, sir Jello Biafra. And on the 4th of July 2010...i did. I thought i'm gonna shake all over but because of this annoying hungarian journalist who was in the same room i was brought in, i managed to maintain a balance in my emotions. Rosie, the merch lady, also Kimo Ball's (JB & tGSoM guitarist) wife told me to wait for a bit in the "dining room" of the Arena backstage area, after asking me if i'd like something to drink / eat, to which i said 'no' but right after she turned the corner i started stuffing my backpack with drinks and chips and anything that i could take with me for my train ride back to Romania? Had i known i would be around food later that night...i wouldn't have bought any beverage and would've slipped into dehydration mode until that moment...timed 0200 hrs on what was already the 5th of july. as i was sprinkling the inside of my mouth with some cheddar cheese flakes that were on the table, gulping them down with Gatorade i think it was...Rosie arrived again and gave me the "ok, come here" sign.
i slowly approached...and directly across from me was Jello.
he saw my brown paper gift bag that i had prepared for him and had a grin on his face, like an impatient child eager to open his presents in the morning of december 25th. i introduced myself and reminded him he asked me for some records from romania. of course he remembered me and it was even like he was expecting me...although i had to wait a long time and be somewhat of a pain-in-the-butt to Rosie and the other members. I didn't think i was. i never do...i mean if i'm being a bit pushy at times, it's because i know i deserve some sort of reward, it's because i gave something and i would like that favor returned to me. it's in my nature...it's human nature but sometimes i don't even hide it, it's there for everyone. i'm sorry but i looove me some justice! Just after i said a few words, he said "your english is REALLY good!". So anyway there were three other people next to Jello: a guy with a camera, a woman and that hungarian guy with the Rollins Band shirt which i would later find out that he was gonna be the only factor that stopped that night from being 100% awesome. he was still conducting his interview with Jello. The english was ok considering how hungarians don;t wanna speak any other language than their own even if they KNOW another one...at least this was my experience when hanging out with Trey Azagthoth (of Morbid Angel) at the Sziget Festival in 2006, people understood what he was saying, talking english behind his back but never directly to him/us. Jello ok-ed me turning on my recorder so i can conduct an interview of my own (very nice of him). But when my question "what would be the top 5 things you'd do as president?" popped up, Jello interrupted "he already asked me that". The hungarian guy, Tamas, immediately turned pale and started apologizing to me, because he stole my question. before i knew he was a journalist and i complimented him on his Rollins Band shirt, he asked me what i would ask Jello if i had the chance to do so. Not knowing he was a journy, i told him that question. sneaky hungarian bastard, typical hungarian of him: take something that belongs to a romanian, then claim it's hungary in front of the eyes of the one who matters, so that the positive attention is attracted upon Hungary. and of course, as history has it, when i'll print the same question (MY question) in sunete (if he sends it to me...that bastard better...), a hungarian person would come up and say "you know this question actually belonged to a hungarian journalist and you stole it"! a punch in the face will soon follow, regardless if it's a man, woman, baby, old person, infant deer...What happened there perfectly portrays the situation between hungary and Romania. Plus, he kept TALKING and TALKING and TALKING about how cool it would be if Jello would play in Hungary. REALLY??? YOU THINK?? YOU THINK JELLO WOULDN'T KNOW THAT'S WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE, CONSIDERING YOU CAME FORM HUNGARY TO AUSTRIA JUST TO SEE HIM PLAY??? Goth Daim!!! Jello was so patient with him too, but i had this pissed off look on my face. a facial expression that implies "you have been rambling on for too long. you must die now and your sister must be raped for the time loss you have caused everyone present in the room!". i would try to explain jello what was in the package i had for him, and the guy kept saying stuff like "so yeah i will talk to promoters and maybe you'll play sometime" or "have you heard of *then he starts listing 15 hungarian bands + plus their spelling, to make sure Jello will look them up RIGHT after he gets home and opens his computer, as if he doesn;t have anything better to do...or just anything else..*".
As fate would have it, after the hungarian bunch finally left, Jello was looking really tired (as was i, from all that constant ranting from the hungarian journy) and he said that in about 5 minutes he would wanna return. he looked at the questions in my interview and said he's too beat to answer all of them (cause he spent his energy on the other guys' questions, which were probably stupid like his country. And if there were any good ones...who knows where else he stole them from? so i didn't get to ask everything i wanted but we pretty much befriended and decided we will keep in touch and vinyl trade from now on. Two things kind of bothered me, to be honest: 1) i had a picture of him i printed out and wanted him to sign and as soon as he saw it he said "ohhh this is a good picture of me..which i don't have...i'm TAKING it! thanks!" i tried to tell him that i can send it to him but he assured me that the printer form Alternative Tentacles is shitty so he'll just keep this one. great. and i wanted to frame it. now i have to see him again, hahah. the second thing was that...i was expecting a bit more as a reward for the package, especially since i was really close to not meet him at all. but no money in return, no free merch...oh well. a highlight of the night was when i was on my way out, and i hear a loud "MATEI!!!!!" from behind me. it was Jello who asked me for a romanian video about Ceausescu. but i'll never forget how Jello called my name SO loud and CLEAR that everyone turned their heads thinking he had found an albino snake in the room... he pronounced my name so perfectly and in his typical screamed voice...if i had recorded that, it would've been the soundtrack to my life. i know it seems like an irrelevant detail, but that was a real treat for me. i still can't call it even between me and him, but i'm sure it'll be a bit better next time. but because i'm nice...he passed my "tattoo test".
so i learned a few valuable lessons:
1) never get your hopes up especially with people you appreciate A LOT...cause the downfall is much longer and painful.
2) never tell anyone what you would do if you had a certain opportunity.
3) always print two copies of what you want signed.
